i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
