can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
