Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
