She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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