i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
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I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
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we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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