Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
