And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
