He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
