Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
