Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
