How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
