what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i love accidental penises.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
