just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
