K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
