im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
