I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fuck me I smell like cheese
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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