Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
