Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
