I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Pooping to opera.
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