oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
