So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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