when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
