Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
