you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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