so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
