you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
