i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
