It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
