I didn't shave. On purpose
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
