So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
