That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
