So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
