Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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