the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up under a house in Key West
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
