mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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