thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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