What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
