thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
