can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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