Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I touched a dick in church today
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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