Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
