I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
