the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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