I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
