I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it's like heaven, but drunker
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
