Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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