I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
