The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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