My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
it was like eating out sand paper
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
