your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
