That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
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Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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