I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize