It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
