I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
