Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
