Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
