About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
