Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
