I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
