Where is the hickey?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
