Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
false alarm. still invincible.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
