Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
