The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
