I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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