how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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