Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
